Why am I Feeling This Way?
The Polyvagal Neural System, pictured here from a
drawing done in 1556, has been known since Dr Galen
was physician to the Roman Gladiators two thousand
years ago.
It has only become usefully known through the work
of Stephen Porges and Deb Dana in the last few years.
Over 80% of the neural traffic in the system is going to
the brain, with information about perceived safety and
whether to primitively freeze, frantically activate, or to
rest assured in the best of safe, attached connection in
a constant ebb and flow that can be understood.
When we’ve had difficult things happen to us growing up, or along the way, and nobody gets all their needs met, we tend to find we:
have habits we wish we didn’t,
have trouble with relationships,
feel bad a bunch of the time,
can’t trust others much (or too much),
not sure we can trust ourselves to know who we can trust,
feel pretty crazy now and again,
and all that can be quite irritating. Somebody said ‘Irritation is just a scratch on the Hide of the Beast of Rage.’
The deep and psychological term for all that is Normal. At least it’s the Normal Response to traumatic experience, even if we don’t think it was ‘that bad’, or aren’t sure of anything anyway.
But when we’ve been torn up, we can heal up. And Healing always is Reconnecting, whether it’s calcium bridges for broken bones or neural pathways for a broken heart.
The question is, what did I learn from what happened, which is usually negative, and is that really true? And What would I like to know is true about me now?
There are a couple resources just to check possibilities. AmenClinic.com has a test you can take that you might find puts you somewhere near one of the seven patterns of behavior that all come under the umbrella of ADD. A book, The Highly Sensitive Person, starts with 21 Questions that, if you answer enough of them positively, says
’Welcome. You’re one of us.’ The other end of that spectrum is Alexithymia: ‘I Really couldn’t tell you what I’m feeling…either because I couldn’t tell you, or I really don’t know.
Again, mapping the territory is the first thing to do, not just to decide where to go, but where to start.