Resources and Referrals

Books:

How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Bloomfield, Colgrove, & McWilliams Opening the book and just reading random short pages can help. It doesn’t require the concentration to have sit and read a long time.

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
Predicting violence, recognizing potential perpetrators, and trusting yourself.

Why is it Always About You? by Sandy Hotchkiss LCSW
The seven deadly sins of Narcissism. Nuts and Bolts information. She says ‘The best way of dealing with these folks?’: Don’t. But if you’re with one - work, family, marriage - here are some ways of managing.

Disarming the Narcissist Wendy T Behary LCSW This book has scenarios and scripts for dealing with the day to day difficult situations that come up, and goes as far as you may care to into the complicated theory of Personality Schema we all have. Dan Siegel, the Neurobiology expert, wrote the foreword, but it’s an accessible book.

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder Bill Eddy LCSW JD & Randi Kreger Also, more recently by the same author: Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to ‘The One’ Who Will Make Your Life Hell.

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover PhD, a recovering “nice guy” himself.
There is a test on his website, drglover.com, to see if you might be laboring under any of the illusions he describes.

What Women Want, Really: A Pocket Guide for Men Kathryn Foster PhD
This is a pretty straightforward book of practical information. It’s also the only accessible book I’ve run into that describes the often missed dead end when she is finally just done.

Hold Me Tight Sue Johnson PhD
Dr Johnson says every couple’s conflict starts with feeling a loss of attachment, loss of connection. This maps way to get back together.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk
They’ve also, and more recently, written How to Talk So TEENS etc. and one for young children. Even though the introduction says, kind of finger wagging: ‘You have to do this whole program…’ but many have just read the cartoons and found them helpful.

Hang on to Your Kids: Why Parents Are More Important that Peers Gabor Mate MD Dr Mate was a favorite with my students when I was teaching. His first book was In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, about Addiction. He writes about CoDependence, Trauma, Compassion and Healing, and is quite eloquent about his own Journey. This book talks a lot about teens, but he explains a lot about parenting effectively.

Emotional Alchemy Tara Bennett Goleman. The Dalai Lama wrote the forward to this one, which introduces Vipassana Meditation awareness to healing.

Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go To Work Babiak & Hare
Dr. Hare has brought back the diagnosis of Psychopathy that was first called moral idiocy or the mask of sanity in the ‘30s This explains the particularly toxic people we encounter in the workplace. And he figures about 1% of the population qualifies.

Neurobiology of We Daniel Siegel MD Anything by Dan Siegel is as marvelous as it is complex. Can be heavy going but worth the effort. No Drama Discipline is clear and concise.

Waking the Tiger Peter Levine PhD The Body Keeps the Score Bessel van der Koch MD The Body Bears the Burden Robert Scaer MD When the Body Says No Gabor Mate MD Healing Back Pain, also: The Divided Mind John Sarno MD MuchMuchMuch about BodyMind. No one can draw a line between those two, particularly with pain - both physical and emotional.

The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, and What You Can Do to Get More of It Kelly McGonigal One student of mine used this to quit smoking successfully. Her most recent book, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress is Good and How to Get Good At It, is a complete turnaround in the research on stress and we can be affected by it.

Facing Love Addiction Pia Melody Pia has been at the center of developing the program at The Meadows in Arizona which has been pretty much cutting edge in Addictions & Trauma. This book is about how those of us who really need to be loved keep getting with folks who can’t seem to do that with us.

And, best for last: Getting Past Your Past Francine Shapiro PhD This is the ‘self help’ introduction to EMDR (described in FAQs) by the person who discovered and developed one of the most researched and successful treatments for trauma, which comes with both ‘Big T’, identifiable bad experiences, and ‘Little t’, developing over time accumulating negative series of experiences. There are protocols not in this book for very early trauma and immediate relief.

Disclaimer: I do remember someone exclaiming at a certain point, while doing EMDR: "Oh, THAT's why Self Help books don't Help!"